Thursday, June 4, 2009

What did you say?

Let’s get one thing straight!

“Words are downright sneaky and cannot be trusted!”

With all the languages, dialects, dialectics, expressions, colloquialisms, cultural and regional pre-conceptions, interpretations, abbreviations, presumptions, prefixes, suffixes, acronyms, paradigms, metaphors, trans-literation, not to mention distractions and pre-occupations (Oops…I mentioned them)), to which we are exposed daily (and nightly), is it any wonder that some times we presume too much?

Communication is a difficult exercise, even with your own family (who should know you……by now!)

In fact, the only fact that we all totally agree on is that

“we never totally agree!”

Having made that clear...........................

Under the powers vested in me as an Erisian Pope,

I, Pope ME-THAT-IS-NOT-YOU!! (The Ineffable)Arch-Deacon of the church of "The Latter-Day Paints",Founder of "The cabal of The Seventh Day Adventurers" not excluding "The Darlington LLamas", Keeper of the flame of eternal twilight, "Guardian of the Di-Agnostic Spirit" including the sacred rite of "Di-Agnostic Spirit Fingers","Progenitor of Eristic Inversion" and "Eternal Erisian Toy-Boy",
hereby ex-communicate all Popes not ordained by this cabal, for a period of five days as from this date at midnight GMT.

(In order to rework the Erisian Church entirely, removing echos of "The curse of Grayface" which have been revitalised by the recent monetary normalization occurring across the planet as well as by the failure of the Cern Undertaking and also because I think its a funny thing to do.)

Please note: All popes affected may apply at the head office for de-excommunication after that period, but may be refused without consideration.

Make sure to enquire about innoculation against future outbreaks of the Grayface virus.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Reminder From The church of Latter-Day Paints

Celebrating our 30th year of freedom from Lead.
Glorifying The Grand Release: The totally erisian triumph over the Ancient Aneristic Paint Monopolies (AAPM) and their attempt to limit human intellectual development by adding lead to paint and resulting in the founding of "COL-DP"

NEVER LICK YOUR PENCIL!!!


How much lead dust is dangerous?
It doesn’t take much. If the sugar in a
one-gram packet of sugar were lead dust,
it could contaminate one hundred
kitchens, 10 feet by 10 feet. The Centers for
Disease Control estimates that a piece of
lead as small as a grain of sand is enough
to poison a child.

Actual conversation with a Port Pirie Hotelier.

Me (after a gig):
"I'll be heading back to Adelaide now"
Publican (closing the Pub):
"Don't you wanna stay for the week-end?.... a room was part of the deal"
Me:
"No thanks, I'd rather drive for a couple of hours. I've ingested enough lead, already I can feel my IQ advertising for new tenants!"
Publican:
"Whaa??"
Me:
"What I'm trying to say is I'm concerned about my environment!"
Publican:
"Aren't we all........... but what can you do, join GreenPeace?"
Me:
"To be perfectly honest, I'm talking about the lead levels that exist in a smelting town."
Publican:
"a which town???"
Me:
"Several years back the authorities were concerned about the alarmingly high Lead levels that were being detected in the children around here. Aren't you concerned about that?"
Publican:
"Well several years ago we were all concerned about that....... but...... lately......... nobody.......... seems........ to....... care............ or worry about it anymore.
So we just forget about it n-o-w-a-d-a-y-s!"

Me:
"Holy Fuck!"

Monday, June 1, 2009

Enjoy your Papal bliss

Video of my moment of Papal ordination. This is also the origin of your ordination if you haven't yet read the last post. Complete ordination can only occur when the right hemisphere of your brain screams "enough!" and agrees to share reality with the left hemisphere. ( This has been described as compus nullis and should not be confused with enlightenment)

Robert Anton Wilson (The Eristic Prophet and Sage)